She was running through the sewer. Tired, cold, and hungry she fell to her knees and began to cry. She couldn't believe, or even try to understand what was happening to her city. Exhausted, she started to focus on the steady sound of water dripping down the dark, wet walls. The smell was as if there had been dead animal flesh that had been baked in the sun, now soggy in the cloudy liquid. Everything was completely quiet. She started to fall into a light slumber, that's when she heard the sounds of the man eating creatures, some of which were once her friends, coming closer and closer. The sounds were getting louder and her heart started to pound. All that she could think about, and all that there was left to do, was run.
(24 Hours Earlier)
Ashley, running late as usual, was sprinting to her car trying not to spill her coffee. Quickly, she ran through the automatic doors of the Blaze City Hospital. Dashing to the time clock, with just minutes before she would have been counted as 'late', she thought to herself, "Right on time. This is going to be a good day!"
She reached the nurses station where one of the nurses she was replacing handed her the charts for the patients back in the rooms. There were more charts than usual, but most looked like they were getting ready to go home. "Easy day" Ashley thought, but little did she know, that being late for work was going to be the least of her worries.
(To Be Continued)
Dear Kristi,
ReplyDeleteYour writing is very intriguing. Here, I was looking to comment on simple blogs and i come across this very intense story! I instantly thought, holy crap, this girl is good! You had me on the edge of my seat gripping the arm rests for more. Okay, that is a lie, considering I am lying on my bed, with pillows propping me up...but still!!! The way you used imagery was very admirable. I could see the dark, damp water puddling around her feet each stride she took as she ran through the sewer. I could feel the bitter cold, and helplessness she is feeling as she falls to her knees in exhaustion. I could even smell the awful stench of rotting corpse flesh baking in the sun. By the way, that last description, although very well written, does not sound very appetizing and I certainly do not ever want to have to smell that! (haha)
Anyways, the way you use foreshadowing within this story is also very unique. I thought i was going to be getting the conclusion to the story and yet you pull me back to the very beginning. I hated it yet I loved it more! The reason I say I hated it is because you made me want to know the end which is the exact reason I loved it. Very well done! I, very much, look forward to the end of this suspenseful story.
I also want to note that I believe your story has something to do with...ZOMBIES!
McKenzie, I'm so glad you liked it! I was really trying to think outside the box on this one. I've never written ANYTHING like this.(haha)I'm so used to writing stories about children or about...girly things. (I think that's what I'm looking for)I figured that this would be the perfect time to try something new, just experiment with different types of stories and writing. I wasn't really sure that I liked it at first. I mean, I liked what I had written, but I didn't feel that anyone else would. I felt like everyone would think "this girl is seriously nuts!" Also, if you're thinking of trying something new, TRY IT HERE! Get feedback on things other people liked or didn't like. You never know, you could open up a completely new writing style that you thought you didn't know how to write!
DeleteKeep it up! Very creative! :)
DeleteKristi, I love this! When I clicked on you're blog, I definitely wasn't expecting a story so intense. You have proved how creative you are already! How can a reader ignore the first sentence?? "She was running through the sewer," automatically caught my attention!
ReplyDeleteThe descriptive words used in this story show a lot about how imaginative you are. I feel like Prof. Piro has been trying to drill "Show, don't tell", and that's exactly what you did! I could smell the rotting animals that were around the character, and I could hear the dripping water all while I felt like I was in the sewer with her.
You've inspired me! I love to write stories that I can completely create in my mind, but I didn't even think to post these kinds of stories on my blog. Now that I have read yours, I want to do my own! I'm very intrigued in your story and I cant wait to read more!